I've been called many things besides "Colin" during my time here on Earth (often "Ryan" -- I think it's some subconscious thing with my last name), but Colin is my given name. I'd prefer that you use it, but if there's a name you prefer, I'm willing to negoitate. I'm not going to change my name, but you can call me 'Al' in private conversation or something like that.

To begin my life with the beginning of my life, I record that I was born (as I have been informed and believe) on a Friday, at twelve o'clock at night. It was remarked that the clock began to strike, and I began to cry, simultaneously. Okay, there's a few problems with beginning this perfunctory "bio" section with that information. First, it is the opening paragraph of "David Copperfield" by Charles Dickens. Two, my name isn't David Copperfield. Three, even if my name was David Copperfield, I was born on a Saturday morning at around 8:30 am. Two weeks late. Let's just start again.

In a galaxy far far away, I was born, that is, I began life (such as it is) in June 1976 in Palo Alto, California at Stanford Hospital. I was going to be named "Quentin" but my mother thought of 'Colin' during the ride to the hospital. "Collin with two 'L's?" asked my father, who I assume was also driving. "No, with just one," said my mother. So the legend goes. So it goes. I was born many hours later, and was immediately tossed into an incubator. My body's temperature was below normal, so I understand. The first photos of me were taken of me inside the incubator. I look like I have to be handled with robot arms by someone in a clean suit. I think this is when everything started to go wrong.

I lived in the frozen tundra of Alaska (where my parents were schoolteachers) for my first two years of my life until my parents realized they were living in the frozen tundra of Alaska and moved to Eugene, Oregon (where my brother was born). After moving to California, the four of us settled in the south San Francisco Bay Area. At 11, I had to get stitches after a dime-sized piece of plastic pipe found its way into my face. Apparently, you shouldn't pitch a dirt clod to a friend wielding a plastic pipe as a baseball bat. I spend a lot of time in (various) libraries. I graduated from Mountain View High School in 1995, after a few years of crushes harbored, attempts to be profound on the student newspaper and fights with my trollish French teacher. Sick and tired of California and its non-weather, I jumped over the border to Portland, Oregon and Lewis & Clark College. Four years passed quickly. Countless cheese omelettes consumed at the cafeteria. All night games of Quake. This website began its life. I was in a band for a few months. I majored in English--the one thing I could always depend on. I harbored yet more crushes. I made an ass out of myself on the student newspaper. I spent a lot of time in the library. Somewhere in all of this, I managed to do well in most of my classes and graduate in four years. At the graduation ceremony in May 1999, they mispronounced my last name, despite the fact that the proper pronounciation was written out clearly. Writing is my passion. I'm one of those multidimensional creative people that you read about but don't think really exist. But I am a writer and a poet. And I consider myself to be good at it. Cause if I thought I was lousy, how could I continue? From one of my favorite Monty Python sketches, "And Harry, what are your hobbies outside summarizing?" "Well, strangling animals, golf and masturbating."

In 1995, this website was created because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Upon its creation, I immediately broke into a cold sweat, realizing instanteously that I would never be satisified with a site with the only content being, "Hi! This is my website! LOL! ROFL!" In November 1996, I finally had an idea for what I wanted to do with my website and so it was and it was good. I wanted a website based on a completely unique idea, so Colin's Movie Monologue Page was born. Other websites were born as well, most of which were the product of not getting enough sleep.

Woody Allen once said, "In summing up, I wish I had some kind of affirmative message to leave you with. I don't. Would you take two negative messages? My mother used to say to me, when I was younger, if a strange man comes up to you and offers you candy and wants you to get into the back of his car with him, go."

Steve Martin once said, "Remember a day without laughter is like a day without sunshine. And a day without sunshine is like night."