Monologues from "The Workshop"
written by Templeton Moss
(Rodney is the Head Elf up at Santa's Workshop and he's a tough boss. It's Cindy's first day and she's in a little bit over her head.)
Cindy: Rodney, can I ask you a question? Rodney: Why does everyone know you? Cindy: Yes. Rodney: Why did I know your résumé before I knew your face? Cindy: Yes... Rodney: Why does everyone keep saying they've heard great things about you? Cindy:: That's exactly right. Rodney: (He begins getting his things together to go to lunch. As he walks around the office, Cindy follows him apace.) Cindy, it's lunchtime. Let me tell you about one or two of the things I've been doing this morning. My deputy, Johnny, is sending a Christmas Cheer Squad to Alaska to cheer up a cartload of cranky Coal-Miners without whom millions of naughty boys and girls will be receiving woodchips in their stockings. There is a logging team somewhere in the woods who may never be heard from again. I have an order of toys the size of a glacier that I can't find. Elsie is up to her old tricks. It's only the day after Thanksgiving and there are already half a dozen loads of priority letters. I've got lovesick employees, head sick reindeer and a just-plain-sick man who has spent all day on a List, regardless of all my attempts to stop him, and I've just realized I donít know the first name of a woman who I have known and worked with for well over a thousand years. And Cindy...this is a very light day. Cindy: Okay. Thatís interesting but it doesnít answer myó Rodney: Not a single one of those tasks is going to get done without your involvement, however small. Does that sound like the kind of job we let just anybody come in and apply for? You donít get hired around here, Cindy. You get picked. (Cindy takes a moment to realize what he means.) I'm going to lunch. (starts to leave; turns) Hey Cindy. (she turns) Welcome to the Workshop. (she smiles, he smiles back) And hold on to your boots, kiddo, cuz the shoemaker is a long way off.
(Rodney turns and goes to lunch. Cindy resumes her work.)
(Santa explains to Rodney why he slept in his office last night.)
Santa: Rodney, I am perhaps the oldest human being still living. And yet I still remember when I started this crazy organization. I didn't have but one elf back then. No shop, none of the things commonly associated with me. But it was great, you know? At first it didn't even matter whether or not the kids were bad or good. Then that stupid rule came around. I had to start watching the kids nonstop. That's when I took on the elves in the first place. Then I needed someplace to make the toys. Then I needed more flying reindeer. Then we took on more elves, and we built this new office and we had to keep upgrading, and biggering, and now...well, like Susie says, now kids have stopped asking for wooden toys carved lovingly by me and my elves. They want battery-operated, some assembly required, as seen on TV, action, light up, noisy, high-tech things. When did it get so complicated, Rodney? It used to be so much easier, "Dear Santa, I want a dolly. Dear Santa, I want a drum. Dear Santa, I want a Mad Man action figure from Hasbro. I want a remote control space station. I want a Playskool real working Cold Fusion Generator for kidsÖ"
Rodney: Sir, youíre rambling.
Santa: And last night as I was looking over a few odds and ends, I started thinking about all this. About how few people even still believe in me. About how few kids even leave out milk and cookies anymore. I fell asleep thinking of all that. It was not a very peaceful sleep.
(Mere moments before Santa goes on his big flight around the world, all the employees of the Workshop gather around for their favorite Christmas tradition.)
Santa: Thank you, thank you. (to Rodney) Rodney?
Rodney: Thank you Santa (taking paper from his pocket) As is the custom, Elsie and I have selected the one letter that has come in this year that best reminds us of why we do what we do in the first place. If everyone will lend an ear, I will read it to you now (reading) "Dear Santa, Me and my mommy and my daddy lived in the back of a van. Daddy lost his job and he couldn't afford a house for us, so we lived in a van instead. But daddy always told me how I could be anything I wanted to be. Last year I asked you for a chess set, and you gave me one. I played against daddy and mommy and some of the other people who lived near us. I got pretty good I guess, because daddy borrowed some money to enter me in a chess tournament and I won. I spent last year touring the country playing in chess matches. Now daddy has a new job and so does mommy and we live in a nice house and we always have plenty of food to eat. Thank you for the chess set. Here is my Christmas list. Love, Gayle De Win, Age 6 3/4."
Kudos and much thanks go to Templeton for these monologues, it is very much appreciated.
These monologues are part of a full-length play by Templeton Moss. If you are interested in presenting this play at your school, local theater or repertory company, you can contact the author by phone, e-mail or post.
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