The Witches of Eastwick
written by Michael Cristofer, from novel by John Updike

Alex: Are you trying to seduce me? Well, I have to admit that I appreciate your directness, Darryl, and I will try to be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be. I think-no, I am positive-that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick. Goodbye, Darryl, and thank you for a lovely lunch.

Kudos and immense thanks go to Lori Hollingsworth for transcribing this monologue and donating it to my site. I am indebted to her for life.

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