written by Terrence McNally

Johnny: Goddamnit, I'm gonna pull this trigger if I hear that word again. Faggot? Faggot? I grew up in Waco and I was punching girls 'fore my daddy let me have my learner's permit to drive our pickup. I had their panties off and I was in there, and I don't mean with my fingers, 'fore most guys' balls had even dropped! Shit, the only faggots in Waco was punched-up, beat-up and stomped-on faggots. And me and my boys did the punching and the beating and the stomping. Goddamnit, I went to Texas A&M! That's a military school. Did you ever hear of a faggot from Texas A&M? From any military school for that matter? Hell, a place like that's so goddamned screened you can't get near the place if your big toe looks a little queer to 'em. Boy, my blood is boiling. Boy, you're getting my goat. I know the CIA is listening to every goddamn word I'm saying. Jesus H. Christ. I was a goddamn football star. We beat Texas three years running when I was on varsity. We was conference champs. I was quarterback. Did you ever hear of a gay quarterback? A cheerleader maybe, but I'll give you $500 for every gay quarterback you can name. All right, I know gay's one of them "in" words. I know it don't mean happy. But goddamn it to hell anyway! I'm in show business. I meet people. I hear how they talk. I admit it. There are certain people of the homosexual persuasion in my profession... All right, I'll admit this, too, only it's the first and last time I'm ever gonna say it clear out. There was a pansy at Texas A&M. Just one. But he wasn't in the corps. He was in animal husbandry. Now I didn't know him personally but I heard he was a damn nice guy from Tyler. 'Course when we found out he was a pansy we stomped the shit out o' him. My four years at Texas A&M were the happiest and proudest of my life. ANd if you don't think I fucked every weekend, then you're way off base. Hell, those College Townies drop their drawers and flop over backwards at the first sight o' field boots. A&M cadets could get laid in a goddamn convent, that's the kind of studs they are. And me being voted Most Valuable Player of the Southwest Conference three times in a row didn't exactly hurt none neither. I got laid so much at A&M I landed up in the infirmary every spring semester with sexual hyperthesia.