The Out-Of-Towners
written by Marc Lawrence, from the original screenplay by Neil Simon

Nancy Clark: Give you a break? Give you a break? HEY! Let me share something with you. In the last 24 hours I've been, rerouted, mugged, evicted, chased by a dog, kidnapped, chased by a horse, and seen in a compromising position by the mayor. I just found out that my daughter is spending us into the poor house and that my husband has no job. I'm angry! I'm tired! And I'm HUNGRY! And I'm running with the wolves! And right now I am one crazy bitch from Ohio so why don't you give me a break?

Henry Clark: Give you a break? Give you a break? HEY! LISTEN! In the past 24 hours I have destroyed a car, been thrown out of a hotel, forced to reveal my most intimate secrets to a group of nymphomaniacs and masturbaters, watched my wife seduce a man for dinner, threatened with divorce, arrested for public urination, and drugged by Jack-o my new prison pal. I have a house, and a mortgage, and a son in college, and a daughter in the theatre. And I'm one of those nice quiet mid-western guy that no one expects to snap, but when we it baby!

Kudos and much thanks go to Mattress for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.

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