Tommy Boy
written by Bonnie Turner & Terry Turner

Waitress (Maria Vacratsis): Kitchen's closed.
Tommy: Okay, I'll Just have a sugar packet or two. Hey, whats your name?
Waitress: Helen.
Tommy: That's nice, you look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales, let me tell you why I suck as a salesman. Lets say I go into someguy's office and lets say he's even remotely intrested in buyin' something. Well then I get all excited, I'm like JoJo, the Indian circus boy with a pretty new pet. The pet is my possible sale. Oh, my pretty little pet, I love you. So, I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe, I love it, I love my little naughty pet, you're naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go (tears dinner roll apart) chhhhhhhh, chhhhhhhhh, OOOOHHHHHHH. I KILLED IT! I KILLED MY SALE! That's when I blow it. That's when people like us have got to forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?

Kudos and much thanks go to Will for this monologue, it is very much appreciated. Thanks to NEflaggurl for a correction to this piece.

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