Time Bandits
written by Terry Gilliam & Michael Palin

Evil: It's a good question. Why have I let the Supreme Being keep me here in the Foretress of Ultimate Darkness? ... Look, SHUT UP, I'm speaking rhetorically. I let him keep me here in order to lull him into a false sense of security. When I have the Map, I will be free, and the world will be different, because I have understanding...of digital watches. And soon I shall have understanding of videocassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being! God isn't interested in technology. He knows nothing of the potential of the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time! Forty-three species of parrot! Nipples for men! Slugs!! He created slugs. They can't hear! They can't speak! They can't operate machinery! I mean, are we not in the hands of a lunatic? If I were creating a world, I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, eight o'clock, day one! (he makes a gesture and accidentally shoots an energy bolt from his fingers; a shriek of pain from off-screen is heard) Sorry.

Kudos and much thanks go to BJNeuwirth for this monologue, it is very much appreciated. Thanks to Dan for a small addition to this piece - appreciated.

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