The Sure Thing
written by Stephen L. Bloom and Jonathan Roberts
Gib: I'm flunkin' English. I – I was wondering if maybe you could help me out.
Alison (Daphne Zuniga): Nice swimsuit.
Gib: I flunk English, I'm outta here. Kiss college goodbye. I don't know what I'll do, I'll probably go home. Gee, Dad will be pissed off. Mom will be heartbroken, and if I play my cards right, I get MAYBE a six months' grace period and then I gotta get a job, and you know what that means. That's right, they start me off at the drive-up window and I gradually work my way up from shakes to burgers, and then one day my lucky break comes: the french fry guy dies and they offer me the job. But the day I'm supposed to start some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell me I can make a quick $300 just for driving a van back from Mexico. When I get out of jail I'm 36 years old. Living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find me, face down, talking to the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner and why? Because you wouldn't help me in English. No, you were too busy to help me! Too busy to help a drowning man!
Credit and many thanks to 'joejonasrox' for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.