The Story of Us
written by Alan Zweibel & Jessie Nelson
Katie: I think we should go to Chow Fun's.
Ben (sotto): Chow Fun's? I thought we agreed we couldn't really talk at Chow Fun's.
(Katie looking deep into his eyes, responds.)
Katie: I know.
(Ben crosses over to her.)
Ben: What are you saying?
Katie: (with resolve) I'm saying Chow Fun's.
Ben: Are you saying Chow Fun's because you don't want to face telling the kids? Because if that's why you're saying Chow Fun's, don't say Chow Fun's.
Katie: That's not why I'm saying Chow Fun's. I'm saying Chow Fun's because we're an "us". There's a history and histories don't happen overnight. In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy or somewhere back there, there were cities built on top of other cities, but I don't want to build another city. I like this city. I know where we keep the Bactine, and what kind of mood you're in when you wake up by which eyebrow is higher. And you always know that I'm a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly. That's a dance you perfect over time. And it's hard, it's much harder than I thought it would be, but there's more good than bad. And you don't just give up. And it's not for the sake of the children, but they're great kids aren't they? And we made them - I mean think about that - there were no people there and then there were people - two of them. And they grew. And I won't be able to say to some stranger, "Josh has your hands" or "Remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial?" So what if that stranger listens to me? I mean, Lucas Adler listens but then he always says "between you and I" and it should be "between you and me" because "between" is a preposition. And it's not that there's not a charming part about you not remembering the washer fluid - which I don't understand why you can't - but that's not ultimately important. I'll try to remember that those things can be mildly endearing at times and really not worth not having sex over. And I'll try to relax. I mean is it the end of the world to have sex when you don't totally feel like it? There are all kinds of sex, aren't there? Comfort sex, tender sex, relief sex, "I'm not in the mood, but you are" sex...And let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits? I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so at least I can find the beach, but that's not a criticism of you, it's just a strength of mine. And you're a good friend and good friends are hard to find. Charlotte in "Charlotte's Web" said that and I love the way you read that to Erin - when you take on the voice of Wilbur the pig with such commitment even when you're bone tired. It speaks volumes about character. And ultimately isn't that what it comes down to? What a person's made of at the end of the day? Because that pith helmet girl is still in here - "BEE-BOO, BEE-BOO!" And I didn't even know she existed until I met you. And if you leave, I may never see her again - even though I said at times you beat her out of me - Isn't that the paradox? Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull, yin and yang, the best of times, the worst of times. I think Dickens said it best. It's the Jack Sprat of it, he could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, but that doesn't really apply here. Does it? I mean I guess what I'm trying to say is - I'm saying Chow Fun's because I love you.
(After a beat, Ben explodes with sheer joy, grabs Katie and kisses her passionately. We see Josh and Erin watching their parents stunned at their behavior.)
(Ben and Katie start getting into the car, as do the kids.)
Kudos and much thanks go to Annie for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.