written by Peter Howitt
Lydia: Don't you know Gerry? Don't you know what I'm trying to do? I am trying to be your girlfriend, Gerry! I'm trying to win you back! It's fairly simple. I'm standing on the platform at Limbo Central with my heart and soul packed in my suitcase waiting for the Gerry Friggin' Express to roll in and tell me that my ticket is still valid! That I may reboard the train! Only the station announcer keeps coming on and telling me that my train has been delayed! As the driver has suffered a major panic attack in Indecision City, we suggest you take the bus! That's what I'm trying to do, you cripple! Except it's quite clear that that is never going to happen. Is it? No reply. Perfect. So I – I'm not waiting anymore, Gerry. I am cashing my ticket in. I am taking that bus. Oh, God. I tell my friends "Never go back." Look at me. I must be crazy. Don't phone me for a while. (putting on shoes) Ow! Oh! No, don't phone me at all ever! It's over! Again!
Kudos and much thanks go to Jessica for the donation of this monologue, it is very much appreciated. Thanks to Lola for sending in the more-full piece as of Aug. 2006
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