SLC Punk
written by James Merendino

Stevo: Sure there's a lot more punks than there was four years earlier, but there was also as many poseurs. Poseurs were people that looked like punks, but they did it for fashion. And they were fools. They would say "anarchy in the UK," you see, poseurs. "anarchy in the UK," what the fuck is that? What good is that to those of us in Utah, America? It was a Sex Pistol thing. They were from England, they were British, that's what they did. They were allowed to go on about anarchy in the UK. You dont live your life by lyrics.
I mean that's all you ever heard from these trendy fucks. Like uh, did you hear the new Smiths album? It's fucking terif. Kids walkin' around Utah sayin' 'terif' with a stupid little English twang. See what I mean. (points to a jacket) What the fucks up with the English bullshit? Yeah, I knew a girl who would only have sex with a guy if he only had a fuckin' accent. Can you think of anything more ludicrous in your life? Cuz every asshole in Salt lake City, and let me tell ya, plenty of assholes in this general region that wanna do a little a this will get her drunk and put on some kinda stupid fuckin' accent like, 'hey mistress d'ya fancy a shag?' Then she would, fuckin' knees to the sky, which was sad, it made me really sad, poor girl had no self-respect. See to me, England was nothing more than a big fuckin' American state like North Dakota or Canada. You gotta look at me and you gotta say, hey buddy, why are you so mad and I'll tell ya, cuz for all the following that went over to the English bands from the SLC. Those fuckin English chaps can only say shit about us Americans, all we were to them was a bunch of hicks. Well you know what, I'm not a fuckin' hick. I don't wear cowboy boots, I hate the fuckin rodeo, horses smell like shit to me, and I never fuck anyone in my own bloodline. By definition I am not a redneck and goddammit I ain't no fuckin' hick. Oh the sun never sets on the British empire, well the sun never sets on my asshole.
Another thing that pisses me off, talking about who started punk rock music. Was it the Sex Pistols in england, was it the Ramones and the Velvet Underground in New York? It was the Ramones, it was the Sex Pistols. Who cares who started it, it's music. I don't know who started it, I don't give a fuck. The one thing I do know is that we did it harder, we did faster, and we definitely did it with more love. You can't take that away from us.

Stevo: Whoa, time out. I just wanna ask you real quick, if I can. You believe in rebellion, freedom, and love, right. You two are divorced, so love failed. Two, Mom, you're clinging to any kinda scrap of Eastern religion that can justify why the above said love failed. Three, Dad, you're a slick, corporate, preppy-ass lawyer, I don't really have to say anything else about you, do I, Dad? Four, we move from New York City, the mecca and hub of the cultural world to Utah, nowhere, to change nothing, more to perpetuate the cycle of money, greed, facism, and triviality when your movement of the people, by the people and for the people got you nothing. You just hide behind your lost sense of sex, drugs, rock n roll. Ooh, kum-bye-ya. I am the future. I am the future of this great nation which you father so arrogantly saved this world for. Look, I have my own agenda. Harvard, out. University of Utah in. I'm gonna get a 4.0 in damage. I love you guys, don't get me wrong. It's all about this. But for the first time in my life, I'm 18 and I can say, fuck you.

Kudos and much thanks go to Clark for this monologue, it is very much appreciated. Much thanks also to DogFaceJoe for sending in a correction regarding the word "poseur."