written by Cameron Crowe

Steve: I broke up with someone recently. Jennifer, my last girlfriend. I did it in a crowded restaurant. She just stared at me with that look: "How can you pass me up?" I told her we weren't right and all the stuff we both knew. Week later I realized I was wrong, tried to get back together with her; she won't see me. Now she's with Tony. Tony knows my friend Bailey who's friends with the girl that Tony's going out with on the side, Rita. Rita, who I broke up with to go out with Jennifer. So, now, do I tell Jennifer that I know Tony is going out with Rita or do I tell Rita that I know about Tony and Jennifer? Tony, who will tell Jennifer that I was still going out with Rita when I was going out with her. How does this stuff get so complicated? I don't know. Sometimes I wish it was as simple as this postcard somebody sent me once (shows postcard of two people kissing). Isn't that great? I don't know, I think... (hears banging noise outside) ...Cliff, I'm talkin' here, man! (noise stops) I think I'm back to the beginning. My dad left home when I was eight, you know what he said to me? "Have fun, stay single." I was eight. My mom's a teacher, she took me to a doctor to learn about sex. He was from Boston. So maybe it was never simple. I'll tell you this, for the next three years I am going to concentrate on work. Work is the only thing I have complete control over. Work. I gotta go.

Kudos and much thanks go to PJ for the donation of this monologue, it is very much appreciated.

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