Scrubs
from the TV series created by Bill Lawrence

J.D (Zach Braff).: Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long. (to Dr. Cox) And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. "Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby." That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE. (to Carla and Turk) And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it? (to Elliot) And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are. (JD storms out)
Nurse Roberts: (entering) Did I miss something good?


Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley): Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down.


(from the episode "My Fallen Idol" written by Bill Callahan)
(Dr. Cox, drunk and very depressed after the death of three patients, is "revived" by J.D.)
J.D.: Probably wondering why I didn't show up before, huh? I know you wanted me to, even though you would never admit it. Normally I would kill to get into this apartment. And you would try and keep me out. I say try, because at your Super Bowl party, which I was not invited to, I was lucky enough to watch the second half from right over there. I was the bearded Domino's employee that you invited in because I said that I was a fan of Jerome Bettis, whoever the hell that is. Anyway, I tried to convince myself that the reason that I didn't come earlier was because of you coming into work drunk.but that's not it. I was scared. I guess after all this time, I still think of you like this ... superhero. That'll help me out of any situation I'm in. I needed that. But that's my problem, you know? And I'll deal with that. I guess I came over here to tell you, how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could for those patients, but because after 20 years of being a doctor, when things go badly, you still take it this hard. I got to tell you man, I mean, that's the kind of doctor I wanna be.


(from the episode "My Bed Banter & Beyond" written by Gabrielle Allan)
Dr. Cox: Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down.


(from the episode "My Long Goodbye" written by Dave Tennant)
(Carla (Judy Reyes) is talking to Laverne (Aloma Wright), who is in a coma and near death.)
Carla: Wow, Iím still not ready to do this. Itís going to be so weird not having you by my side every day. Making fun of the doctors. Going on and on about Jesus. Man, I hope heís real or youíre gonna be pissed. Remember my first day? When a patient came in and started bleeding out on me? I was so shocked I could barely move. But you stood by my side and you guided me through it. And then you did the most amazing thing of all. You made me laugh. For the last fifteen years, youíve been my role model, but most of all youíve been my friend. And I donít know what else to say, exceptÖIím really, really gonna miss you. [kisses Laverneís cheek] Goodbye.


(from the episode "My Brother, Where Art Thou?" written by Mike Schwartz)
Dan (Tom Cavanagh): Hey, Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: Oh, here Iíd been told you left. It made me happy.
Dan: You donít like me. People donít like me. You know why? Iím a "screw up." Always "have been." Ever since we were kids. My mom always made me walk Johnny to school first day every year. Every year Iíd walk him to the wrong school [laughs] Just cause.
Dr. Cox: Boy, thatís a great story. Really. And Iím sure youíre just a horrible big brother. Dan: Well.
Dr. Cox: But Iím afraid you have me confused with somebody who gives a crap. And itís okay, you donít need to be embarrassed. Turns out it happens all the time. For instance, my father actually made the same mistake on his death bed.
Dan: Hey listen, Dr. Cox, no offense. Iím a big fan of the tough guy act. But let me tell you what I really think. I think you love the fact that these kids idolize you. Johnny does. Johnny was always the one in the family we knew was going someplace. Sweet kid. Smart kid. Becoming a doctor, this is all he ever wanted and yet somehow youíve found a way to beat that out of him, havenít you? Turned him into some kind of cynical guy who seems to despise what he does. Dr. Cox, Johnnyís never gonna look up to me. Ever. But he hangs on your every word. So Iím asking Ė Iím telling you Ė take that responsibility seriously, stop being such a hardass. Otherwise youíre gonna have to answer to me. It was good seeing you, Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: Good seeing you, Dan.

Kudos and much thanks go to TM, Daniel, Julia, and K Rose for these monologues, it is very much appreciated.

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