written by Kevin Williamson

Randy: Wh-what did you say? That's why she always out smarted the killer in the big chase scene at the end. Only virgins can do that, don't you know the rules?
Stu: What rules?
Randy: Jesus Christ, You don't know the rules??
Stu: Have an aneurysm why don't you!
Randy: There are certain rules you must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance. Number one, you can never have sex. Big no-no, big no-no.
Stu: I'd be a dead man!
Randy: Sex equals death okay? Number two, you can never drink or do drugs. No sin factor. This is sin. It's an extension of number one. Number three, never never ever under any circumstances do you ever say I'll be right back cause you won't be back.
Stu: I'm getting another beer you want one?
Randy: Yeah sure.
Stu: I'll be right back!
All: Ooooo!!
Randy: You push the laws and you end up dead! I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife!

Kudos and much thanks go to Hanna and Aundria (two separate donations, both appreciated) for the donation of this monologue, it is very very much appreciated.

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