written by Mel Brooks
Franz: You know, not many people knew it, but the Führer was a terrific dancer.
Max: Really? I never dreamed that...
Franz: (now shouting with rage) That is because you were taken in by that verdammte Allied propaganda! Such filthy lies! They told lies! But nobody ever said a bad word about Winston Churchill, did they? No! "Win with Winnie!" Churchill! With his cigars, with his brandy. And his ROTTEN painting! Rotten! Hitler, THERE was a painter! He count paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! TWO COATS! Churchill. He couldn't even say "Nazi". He would say "Nooooozeeehz, Nooooozeeehz!" It wasn't NOSES, it was NAZIS! Churchill!
Max: Exactly why...
Franz: Let me tell you THIS! And you're hearing this straight from the horse - Hitler was better looking than Churchill. He was a better dresser than Churchill. He had more hair! He told funnier jokes! And he could dance the PANTS off of Churchill!
Kudos and much thanks go to Jonah for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.
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