written by Mel Brooks
Max: So, you're an accountant, huh?
Leo: Yes, I am.
Max: So account for yourself! You believe in God? You believe in gold? Why were you looking up old ladies dresses? Bit of a pervert, are you? (Leo gasps in horror) Nevermind, nevermind; do the books, they're over there in that desk, top drawer, I'll take your coat.
Leo: Thank you
Max: You're welcome. (stops before hanging up coat, then throws it down) How dare you condemn me without knowing all the facts!
Leo: Mr. Bialystock…
Max: (interrupting) Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation! How humiliating. Max Bialystock! Max Bialystock! You know who I used to be? Max Bialystock! King of Broadway! Six shows running at once! Lunch at Del Monaco's, $200 suits. You see this? This once held a pearl as big as your eye!… Look at me now. Look at me now! I'm wearing a cardboard belt! I used to have thousands of investors begging, pleading to put their money into a Max Bialystock production. Look at my investors now… voila! Hundreds of little old ladies stopping at Max Bialystock's office to grab a last thrill on their way to the cemetery! (pause) You have exactly ten seconds to change that look of disgusting pity into one of enormous respect… one...two... Do the books, do the books.
Leo: I appreciate that sir.
Max: Windows so filthy you can't tell if it's day or night out there. THAT'S IT BABY! WHEN YOU'VE GOT IT, FLAUNT IT FLAUNT IT!
Kudos and much thanks go to Annie for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.
[ please return to the main movie monologue page ]