written by Adam Herz
Kevin: Alright, I got an idea. But it stays between us. Agreed? Okay. It's really simple. We make an agreement -- no wait, more than an agreement.
Jim (Jason Biggs): Like a bet?
Kevin: No, a pact. No money involved. This is more important than any bet. Now here's the deal: We all get laid before we graduate.
Oz (Chris Klein): Dude, it's not like I haven't been trying to get laid.
Kevin: This is different. This is better. Think of when you're working out, Oz. You need a partner, someone to spot you. Someone to keep you motivated. That's what we are, we keep each other on track. Prior to this day, we've postured. We've procrastinated. We've pretended. We've -- well I can't think of other p-words, but we've probably done them too.
Kevin: (ignoring) Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable. But together, we are the masters of our sexual destiny!
Jim: (kung-fu movie voice) Their tiger-style kung-fu is strong; but our dragon style will defeat it!
Oz: (same as Jim) The Sha-lin masters from east and west must unite!
Kevin: Guys, guys -- you're ruining my fucking moment here. Now think about it -- no longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!
Kudos and much thanks go to Kelley for this monologue , it is very much appreciated.