A Night at the Opera
written by George S. Kaufman & James Kevin McGuinness

Otis P. Driftwood: Ladies and gentlemen...I guess that takes in most of you. This is the opening of a new opera season, season made possible by the generous checks of Mrs. Claypool. I'm sure the familiar strains of Verdi's music will come back to you tonight, and Mrs Claypool's checks will probably come back in the morning. Tonight marks the American debut of Rudolfo Lasparri. Signor Lasparri comes from a very famous family. His mother was a well known bass-singer. And his father was the first man to stuff spaghetti with bicarbonate of soda, thus causing and curing indigestion at the same time. And now, on with the opera, let joy be un-confined. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor! (to orchestra conductor) Play Don!

Kudos and much thanks go to "Face" for the donation of this monologue, it is very much appreciated.

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