written by Richard Curtis
Anna: Wait a minute. What about me?
Max (Tim McInnerny): I'm sorry? You think you deserve the brownie?
Anna: Well... a shot at it.
William (Hugh Grant): You'll have to prove it. This is a great brownie and I'm going to fight for it. State your claim.
Anna: Well, I've been on a diet since I was 19, which basically means I've been hungry for a decade. I've had a sequence of not nice boyfriends, one of whom hit me. Ha... and every time my heart gets broken the newspapers splash it about as though it's entertainment. (laughs) And......it's taken two rather painful operations to get me looking like this.
Anna: Really. (points to her chin and nose) And one day not long from now, my looks will go, they will discover I can't act and I will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while.
(While she says this, quiet settles around the table. The thing is -- she sort of means it and is opening up to them. After she finishes -- silence... they all look at her... then.) Max: Nah!!! Nice try, gorgeous -- but you don't fool anyone.
(The mood is instantly broken. They all laugh.)
William: Pathetic effort to hog the brownie.
(And at the same party, Honey (Emma Chambers) fawns over world-famous Hollywood actress Anna)
Honey: Oh God, this is one of those key moments in life, when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool - and I'm failing 100%. I absolutley and totally and utterly adore you and I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time now that we can be best friends. What do YOU think?
Kudos and much thanks go to Oded for corrections to this piece, it is very much appreciated.
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