Mean Girls
written by Tina Fey, from the book by Rosalind Wiseman
Cady: Huh, wow, thanks, um, well, half the people in this room are mad at me and the other half only like me because they think I pushed someone in front of a bus, so that's not good. To all the people whose feelings got hurt by the burn book, I'm really sorry. You know I've never been to one of these things before and when I think about how many people wanted this, and how many people cried over it and stuff, I mean, I think everybody looks great tonight. Look at Jessica Lopez, that dress is amazing and Emma Gerber that hair do must have taken hours and you look really pretty. So why is everybody stressing over this thing? I mean it'sjust plastic, it's really just (she breaks the crown). A piece for Gretchen Wieners, a partial Spring Fling Queen. A piece for Janis Ian and a piece for Regina George, she fractured her spine and she still looks like a rockstar, and some for everybody else.
Gretchen: (in her English class essay, after being humiliated by Regina) Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. 'K, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!
Kudos and much thanks go to Brooke and Maggie for these monologues respectively, it is very much appreciated.