Once Upon A Mattress
written by Jay Thompson, Marshall Barer and Dean Fuller
Queen Aggriavain: Well then how can you say such a thing, I want you to get married, how many times have I said to you I want you to get married. Only this morning I was saying to your father: I said Sextimus, I want that boy to get married, it just isn't normal for a boy that age to stay single I said after all he is a prince, don't forget that, and he is next in line for the throne. I mean we're not exactly the oldest people in the world but on the other hand we're not going to live forever and I would just feel much better, much easier, and much more relaxed in my mind if I knew that that boy were married, settled and set and that's absolutely verbatim, exactly what I said to your father this morning. Of course he didn't say anything, he never does, but you know him just as well as I do and I don't have to tell you how impossible he is. If he makes me miserable and makes me suffer then I'll just have to put up with it, but I will not allow it to effect my son's attitude toward him or me. He may be a mean, stupid, dreadful, selfish, rotten man, but he is your father and I want you to respect him. After all there is only one person who really cares about you and really worries about your health, your happiness and your future and that's exactly what I'm talking about right now, your future and I want to make myself absolutely clear that I want you to get married, but I don't want you to marry just anyone. Marriage is a lifetime partnership and I wouldn't want my little boy to make the same mistake I did and wind up miserable the way I did. You are a prince, and you must marry someone suitable, someone who's good enough, smart enough, and fine enough for my good, nice, sweet, beautiful baby boy. And of course she has to be a princess, I mean a real princess. A genuine bonafide princess, just as I was. And that is what you want, isn't it? Someone like me? Of course you do. Oh God if I were only twenty years younger. Just remember this, you must trust me.
Kudos and much thanks go to JENNIETIGR for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.