written by Cameron Crowe
Jerry: Don't worry... (laughs) don't worry. I'm not gonna do... what you all think i'm gonna do, which is just FLIP OUT!! (he throws his arms in the air and shakes, sending papers flying) But let me just say, as I ease out of the office, that i helped build... I'm sorry, but it is a FACT... that there is such a thing... as manners. A way of treating people. (a pause, he nods, looks around, sees the fish tank) These fish have manners. These fish have manners. In fact, they're coming with me. I'm starting a new company, and the fish are coming with me. You can (chuckle) call me sentimental, but the fish are coming with me.
(he takes a long beat scooping two goldfish into a plastic baggie)
Now. If you come with me, this will be the moment of something new, and fun, and inspiring in this GOD FORSAKEN business. And we will do it together. So... who's coming with me? who's coming with me and (he points at the baggie, thinks) flipper, here? Huh? (he makes little finger gestures) Who's coming with me? WHO'S COMING WITH ME? (A beat, everyone in the office stares in silence) This is embarrassing. (a slight pause) Wendy, shall we?
Wendy (Nada Despotovich): Aw, Jer, i'm one month from that pay increase...I...
Jerry: Okay... okay.
(He is angry and downtrodden; he begins to leave.)
Dorothy (Renee Zellweger): I'll go with you!
Jerry: (points dramatically) Dorothy, thank you!
Dorothy: (mouthing the words, clearly worried) Now?
(She gathers all of her stuff very quickly)
Jerry (once they are ready to leave): We will see you all again...sleep tight!
Kudos and much thanks go to Chris for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.