LA Story
written (and performed by) Steve Martin

Harris: I've been thinking about myself and I think I can become the kind of person that's worth staying for. First of all I'm a man who can cry. Now it's true it's usually when I've hurt myself but it's a start. You see, I know there is something that will make you stay. I know it. I see you play the tuba I sensed that about you. There is some move I could make, the right word, attitude, plan, but these are all tricks; these are just things I would think up and try. But let's forgo that. Let's assume that whatever that thing is, that whatever it is that you secretly know would make you stay, has occurred, that it has happened, that my hand has already gone down your throat and grabbed your heart and squeezed it.
(She slams the door in his face)

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