Hedwig and the Angry Itch
written by John Cameron Mitchell, from the play by John Cameron Mitchell & Stephen Trask
Hedwig: Okay. One day, in the late mid-Eighties, I was in my early late-20's. I had just been dismissed from University after delivering a brilliant lecture on the aggressive influence of German philosophy on rock and roll, entitled "You Kant always get what you want." At twenty-six my academic career was over, I had never kissed a boy, and I was still sleeping with Mom. The search for my other half on my side of the wall had proved futile. Might he be found on the other? But how to get over, you know. People died trying. Such were the thoughts flooding my tiny head on the day that I was sunning myself in an old bomb crater I had discovered near the wall. I am naked, face down on a piece of broken church inhaling a fragrant Westerly breeze. (The image of a McDonalds arch is seen over the Berlin wall) My god, I deserved a break today.
(Flashback.)
Luther: Girl, I sure don't mean to annoy you. My name is Sergeant Luther Robinson.
Hansel: My name is Hansel.
Hedwig: Luther is silent for a moment, as he stares at my little Bishop-in-a-turtleneck.
Luther: Hansel. Well, you must like candy.
Hansel: I like Gummi Baren.
Hedwig: The taste is completely different from a gummi bear, yet somehow familiar. It's much sweeter that a gummi bear.
Hansel: Wow.
Hedwig: And softer too.
Hansel:I feel so optimistic.
Hedwig: I suddenly recognize the flavor in my mouth. It's the taste of power.
Luther: Damn, Hansel, I can't believe you're not a girl. You're so fine. Why don't you take the whole bag?
Hedwig: He searches my face for news of his fate. His expression is echoed in scores of tiny faces pressing against clear plastic. Panting faces of every imaginable color, creed, and non-Aryan origin. Fogging up the bag like the windows of a Polish bath house, I stumble naked through the ruins, back towards blander, less complicated confections, leaving in my wake a trail of rainbow carnage. Next day, Hansel follows the trail back and on his way finds a Milky Way, a roll of Necco Wafers, some Pop Rocks, and a giant sized sugar daddy named Luther.
Kudos and much thanks go to Meghan for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.