written by Todd Solondz

Joy: Oh, Andy, I just love it. This...this really means something to me. I'll always treasure it as a...token.
Andy: No, you won't. (grabs it away) 'Cause this is for the girl who loves me. The girl who cares about me, for who I am. Not what I look like. I just wanted you to know what you'd be missing. You think I don't understand art. You think I don't understand fashion. You think I'm not hip. You think I'm pathetic. A nerd. A lard-ass fatso. You think I'm shit. Well, you're wrong. 'Cause I'm champagne. And you're shit! And till the day you die...you...not me...will ALWAYS be shit.
(They continue to sit at the booth uncomfortably. Andy is seething as the scene fades to black)

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