written by Danny Rubin & Harold Ramis
Ned: Phil? Hey! Phil? Phil? Phil Connors, Phil Connors i thought that was you.
Phil: Hi, How you doin? Thanks for watching.
Ned: Hey, hey. Now don't you tell me you don't remember me because I sure as heck-fire remember you!
Phil: Not a chance. (chuckles)
Ned: Ned! Ryerson!! Needle-nosed Ned, Ned the head, come on buddy, Case Western High! Ned Ryerson... I did the whistling belly button trick at the high school talent show - BING! Ned Ryerson got the shingles real bad senior year almost didn't graduate - bing again! Ned Reyerson I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple times til you told me not to anymore... well?
Phil: Ned Ryerson?
Phil: (less enthusiastic) Bing. So did you turn pro with that belly button thing Ned, or...
Ned: No. Phil, I sell insurance.
Phil: (sarcastically) What a shock!
Ned: Do you have life insurance? Cause if you do, you can always use a little more. Am I right, or am I right or am I right? Right? Right? Right?
Phil: Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you... but I'm not going to.
Ned: (laughing) Oh...
Phil: See ya.
Ned: Hey, that's all right! I'll walk with you. You know whenever I see an opportunity now I charge it like a bull! "Ned the Bull", that's me now. You know I've got friends of mine who live and die by the actuarial tables and I say, "Hey! it's all one big crap shoot any hoot." Tell me, have you ever heard of single premium life? Because I think that really could be the ticket for you-- oh, god! It is SO good to see you! Uh, what are you doing for dinner?
Phil: Something else. It's been great seeing you, Needlehead. Take care.
(Phil steps into an icy puddle.)
Ned: (laughs obnoxiously) Watch out for that first step, it's a doozie! (continues laughing)
Credit and many thanks to Nathan for this monologue, it is very much appreciated. Thanks to Joy for a correction.
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