written by Harold Ramis

Dialogue by Louis is spoken really fast, in a desperate and nerdy voice. It is somewhat of an exchange, true, but it would work with a) some conversion of the text, or another person prompting (if you use it for an audition and/or class. Not much of a monologue, but it1s a lot of fun.)

Louis: Oh, Dana, it's you ...
Dana: Hi, Louis.
Louis:... I thought it was the drug store.
Dana: Are you sick, Louis?
Louis: Oh, no, I feel great. I just ordered some more vitamins. I see you were exercising. So was I. I taped "20 Minute Workout" and played it back at high speed so it only took ten minutes and I got a really good workout. You wanna have a mineral water with me?
Dana: No thanks, Louis. I'm really tired. I've been rehearsing all morning.
Louis: Okay. I'll take a raincheck. I always have plenty of mineral water and other nutritious health foods, but you know that. Listen, that reminds me, I'm having a party for all my clients. It's gonna be my fourth anniversary as an accountant. I know you fill out your own tax return, but I'd like you to come being that you're my next door neighbor and all ...
Dana: Oh, that's nice, Louis. I'll stop by if I'm around.
Louis: You know you shouldn't leave your TV on so loud when you go out. That creep down the hall phoned the manager.
Dana: I thought I turned it off. (she listens and hears loud sound coming from inside) I guess I forgot.
Dana begins unlocking her door.
Louis: I climbed on the window ledge to see if I could disconnect the cable but I couldn't reach so I turned up the sound on my TV realloud so they'd think there was something wrong with everybody's TV. You know, you and I should really have keys to each other's apartment ...

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