Full Metal Jacket
written by Gustav Hasford (also novel, "The Short Timers"), Michael Herr, & Stanley Kubrick

Hartman: I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your Senior Drill Instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir!" Do you maggots understand that?
Recruits: [in unison] Sir, yes, sir!
Hartman: Bullshit! I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair!
Recruits: [louder] Sir, yes, sir!
Hartman: If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training... you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of death, praying for war. But until that day you are pukes! You're the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings! You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair! There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless! And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps! Do you maggots understand that?
Recruits: [in unison] Sir, yes, sir!
Hartman: Bullshit! I can't hear you!
Recruits: [louder] Sir, yes, sir!
Hartman: What's your name, scumbag?
Snowball (Peter Edmund): [shouting] Sir, Private Brown, sir!
Hartman: Bullshit! From now on you're Private Snowball! Do you like that name?
Snowball: [shouting] Sir, yes, sir!
Hartman: Well, there's one thing that you won't like, Private Snowball! They don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall!
Snowball: Sir, yes, sir!
Joker (Matthew Modine): [whispering] Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Hartman: Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little Communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy fucking godmother said it! Out-fucking-standing! I will P.T. you all until you fucking die! I'll P.T. you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk. Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?!
Cowboy (Arliss Howard): Sir, no, sir!
Hartman: You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking worm! I'll bet it was you!
Cowboy: Sir, no, sir!
Joker: Sir, I said it, sir!
Hartman: Well ... no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister.
[Sergeant Hartman smashes Joker in the stomach, sending Joker to his knees.] Hartman: You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers and I will teach you! Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
Joker: Sir, yes, sir!

Kudos and much thanks go to Nicholas for the donation of this monologue, it is very very much appreciated.

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