Fritz the Cat
written by Ralph Bakshi, from the comic books by R. Crumb
(Fritz enters his dorm. His roommates, Fuzz and Heinz, completely ignore him)
Fritz: Huh, I had a great thing goin' there 'till the freakin' fuzz showed up. I wish that skinny broad hadn't turned on the shower too, I think I'm getting' a cold. Oh well, man. Everyone all studyin' for the goddam exams and all? Hey Fuzz, how'd it go with that Dee Dee chick, huh. She got some bod, huh? You have to admit. Oh, Charlene isn't bad either though, right? Like, wow. Heinz, you swine old buddy pig, you grew behind Alvina? Get some kicks tonight, huh? (to himself) Huh, bastards, you'd think the goddam exams was to be all and end all of existence. Cosmic life force or something. You'd think they were the freakin' fugitives. Can't even get in a few decent words to a guy. Bastards. What a bore. They just sit there and take bennies and stay up all night with a bunch of books and their thumb up their ass. Oh, yes, yes, I remember the time when it was all very inspiring and enlightening. All this history and literature and Sociology shit. You think learning is a really big thing and you become this big fuckin' intellectual and sit around trying to out intellectual all the other big fuckin' intellectuals. You spend years and years with your nose buried in these goddam tones while the world is passin' you by. All this stuff to see and all the kicks and all the girls are out there and me, a writer and a poet who should be havin' adventures and experience and all of the adversities and paradoxes and ironies of life. And passin' over all the roads of the world. And diggin' all the cities and towns and rivers and oceans makin' all of them chicks. (imagining the girls) Oh God. As a writer and a poet, it is my duty to get out there and dig the world. To swing the whole friggin' scene while there's still time, man! (begins piling up all of his school stuff) My fartin' around days are over, baby! From this day on, I shall live every day as if it was my last. Yeah, yeah, I must do it. No more of the dreary boring classes, the dismal lectures, the sitting around bullshittin' with pretentious fatass hippies! No more of the books, the spoutings of a bunch of old farts who think they know the whole goddamn score! Ha, ha! (sets his stuff on fire; he changes his beat from excited to surprised) Oh my God, what have I done? (nervous) Uh, heh. I set all my notes and books and stuff on fire and, uh, now I can't study for my exams. I'll flunk out and my folks will be pissed off as hell. I'll get a blanket. (tosses blanket on fire) Blanket's on fire. We'd better call the fire department.
Kudos and much thanks go to Jaimetud for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.
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