Ferris Bueller's Day Off
written by John Hughes

Ferris Bueller: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people will tell you that a phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you could land in the doctor's office. That's worse than school. What you do is, you fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, (confidentally) you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
I did have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist? They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles - I just believe in me." A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum rides off of people.

Thanks to Joe for sending in some corrections to this monologue...
(Editors Note: I have told several people that under no circumstances, not even if hell freezes over would I ever put a Ferris Bueller monologue on my page. Never. This addition was the product of a huge enthusiasm to update this page, a mad flood of monologues and I ran into this one. Nothing more. God, I'm sick of this movie...god, I now have three Hughes monologues on my page. Please put me down.)

[ please return to the main movie monologue page ]