written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
Mr. Mohra: Well, so I'm tending bar down there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday and this little guy's drinking and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kind of action?" And he says, "Woman action. What do I look like?" And I says, "Well what do I look like? I donít arrange that kind of thing." And he says, "But I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "Yeah, but this ain't that kind of place."
Officer Olson: Uh-huh.
Mr. Mohra: He says, "Oh, so I get it. So you think I'm some kind of jerk for asking." Only he don't use the word "jerk."
Officer Olson: I understand.
Mr. Mohra: Then he calls me a jerk. Says the last guy thought he's a jerk is dead now. So I don't say nothin'. He says, "What do you think about that?" And I says, "Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him, then."
Officer Olson: You got that right.
Mr. Mohra: Yeah, he says, "Yeah, that guy's dead, and I don't mean of old age." And then he says, "Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake."
Officer Olson: White Bear Lake?
Mr. Mohra: Yeah well, at Ecklund and Swedlin, that's closer to Moose Lake. So I made that assumption.
Officer Olson: Oh, sure.
Mr. Mohra: Anyways, he's drinkin' at the bar, so I don't think a whole great deal of it, but then Mrs. Mohra, she heard about the homicides down here and thought I should call it in, so I called it in. End of story.
Kudos and much thanks go to Diane for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.
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