written by Mike Werb & Michael Colleary

Sean Archer (with the face of his nemesis Castor Troy (Nicholas Cage)): I was thinking the other day, uh, I remember I once took a date out for surf and turf, not knowing she was a vegetarian. So she ate bread and uh, and broke her tooth on a rye seed. (laughs) We drove around all night looking for a, for an all-night dentist, and he was so drunk, he fixed the wrong tooth! (laughs) And when I finally brought her home, even though it must've hurt like hell, you kissed me...

Kudos and much thanks go to Glen for the donation of this monologue, it is very much appreciated.

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