Donnie Darko
written by Richard Kelly
Donnie: First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?
Kudos and much thanks go to Tattered and Gary and whoever sent it a while back (sorry, I lost it somehow) for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.