Don Juan DeMarco
written by Jeremy Leven, based (on part) from the character created by Lord Byron
Don Juan I was born in... in Queens. Me and my parents moved to Phoenix when I was a kid. I hated it. When I was 16, my father was killed in a car accident just outside of town. My mother, she'd been having these affairs, and my father knew. Anyway, she felt so guilty she decided to become a nun. So within three weeks of my fathers death, she was in a convent somewhere in Mexico, and there I was. I had nowhere to go; I didn't know what to do. So, one day I was looking at this magazine. And there was this centerfold. And I knew she wouldn't go for me the way that I was, you know, so then I decided... I'd been reading a book, this book...and... I decided to become Don Juan. So I called up the magazine. They wouldn't help me; they wouldn’t give me any information. So I was about to give up and one day I reached this woman who worked there, I think she was a temp or something. The woman took pity on me and she gave me the girls number. So I called her up, said that we were meant to be together... and then she called me a creep and she hung up. I just decided that my life was over, so I was going to kill myself… or at least I was gonna make people believe that I would kill myself so I could get some attention, or something. I never really had any intention of killing myself.
Kudos and much thanks go to Celene for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.