written by Jonathan Lemkin & Tony Gilroy, novel by Andrew Neiderman
In this first monologue, John Milton foresees a dark, disgusting, twisted, immoral, ugly future millennium lead by all the "Eddie Barzoons" of the world. Thus, on-screen during this monologue, Milton sends his (literally) demonic subjects after Eddie Barzoon (Jeffrey Jones) who's made one too many mistakes in the law firm.
John Milton: Eddie Barzoon! Eddie Barzoon! Ha! I nursed him through two divorces, a cocaine rehab, and a pregnant receptionist. God's creature, right? God's special creature? Ha! And I've warned him, Kevin, I've warned him every step of the way. Watching him bounce around like a fucking game, like a wind-up toy! Like 250 pounds of self-serving greed on wheels! The next thousand years is right around the corner, Kevin, and Eddie Barzoon--take a good look. Because he's the poster child for the next millennium! These people, it's no mystery where they come from. You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it could split atoms with its desire, you build egos the size of cathedrals, fiberopticly connect the world to every-eager-impulse, grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green gold-played fantasies until every human becomes an aspiring emperor! Becomes his own God! Where can you go from there? And as for scrambling from one deal to the next, who's got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours, even the bees honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity--and it just keeps coming! And it just keeps coming! Faster and faster! There's no chance to think, to prepare, it's `buy futures, sell futures' when there is no future!! We've got a runaway train, boy!! We've got a billion Eddie Barzoons all jogging into the future. Every one of them reading to fist-fuck God's ex-planet, lick their fingers clean as they reach out with their pristine cybernetic keyboards to total up their billable hours!! And then it hits home! It's a little late in the game to buy out now!! Your belly's too full, your dick is sore, your eyes are bloodshot, and you're screaming for someone to help!! But guess what? There's no one there!! You're all alone, Eddie!! [mocking] You're God's special little creature!!
Maybe it's true. Maybe God threw the dice once too often. Maybe He let us all down.
Milton, his various true identities revealed, elucidates on why he has the one-up on God and has for all eternity--continuing to tempt Kevin as he has tempted others.
Kevin Lomax: What do you want from me?
John Milton: I want you to be yourself. Y'know, boy, guilt is like a bag of fucking bricks. All you gotta do is set it down.....Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well, I'll tell ya, lemme give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts! He gives this extraordinary gift and then--what does he do? I swear--for his own amusement--his own private cosmic gag reel--he sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time! Look. But don't touch! Touch. But don't taste! Taste. Don't swallow! [laughs] And while you're jumping from one foot to the next, he's laughing his sick fucking ass off!! He's a tight ass, he's a sadist, he's an absentee landlord!! Worship that never!
Kevin: Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, is that it?
Milton: Why not? I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began! [screaming] I've nurtured every sensation Man has been inspired to have! I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man!!
[Calms] I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. Who, in their right mind, Kevin, could possibly deny the 20th century was entirely mine? All of it, Kevin, all of it! Mine! I'm peaking here! It's my time now. It's our time.
[ please return to the main movie monologue page ]