Detroit Rock City
written by Carl V. Dupré

Jam: How's it goin Mom?
Mrs. Bruce (Lin Shaye): Jeremiah? Jam: I'm gonna ask you nicely first. Mom, can I have my drumsticks back? (his mother ignores him) Again, can I have my drumsticks?
Mrs. Bruce: Drumsticks are the least of your worries, young man.You just ran out on God! My son just ran out out on God! You are in a world of...
Jam: TROUBLE? (laughs) I know, Mom, I've been in trouble for the past twelve hours! Hellooooo!? I'm gonna be spending the next two years of my life at St. Bernard's Boarding School, remember?! I'm gonna be outta your hair till I'm a legal adult, right?!
Mrs. Bruce: Yes!
Jam: That way, all you have to do is go to church, light a candle, and pray to some stupid little statue for me and all is forgiven and forgotten, right, Mom? Then you can spend your days in a guilt-free pursuit of more constructive activities, like telling everybody else how screwed up their lives are. And that way you don't even need the patience and understanding to talk to your own son on some normal plain. and that way you dont even need to think about how tough it was for you when you were growing up, and it's probably a good thing too 'cause if ya did, you'd realize what aLOUSY, GODDAMN, SHITTY-ASS, PARENT YOU ARE!
Mrs. Bruce: (timidly) Jeremiah...what's gotten into you?
Jam: (into Mr. Microphone) I just lost my virginity in a confessional booth! LORD-HAVE-MERCY!! Now, for the last time, Mom. Give me back my fucking drumsticks. (pause) Please.

Kudos and much thanks go to Brittany for this monologue, it is very much appreciated. Much thanks to Pixxistyk for sending corrections my direction; much appreciated.

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