The Dark Knight
written by Jonathan Nolan & Christopher Nolan, story by Christopher Nolan & David S. Goyer, from characters created by Bob Kane

Joker: (holding a knife inside Gambol's mouth) Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, "Why so serious, son?" Comes at me with the knife... "Why so serious?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face!" And... why so serious?

Joker: (addressing Rachel Dawes) Well, hello beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze. And you are beautiful. Oh, you look nervous. Is it the scars? Wanna know how I got 'em? (grabs her chin as she tries to turn away) C'mere, look at me. So, I had a wife, who was you, who tells me I worry too much, who tells me I oughta smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks...(she squirms, he pulls her back) Hey. One day they carve her face. And we got no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. Hmm? I just wanted to let her know that I don't care about the scars. So, I stick a razor in my mouth and do this... to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! Now I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!

(The lights turn on in the interrogation room, revealing Batman (Christian Bale) standing behind the Joker. Batman smashes the Joker's head onto the table.)
Joker: Ah! Never start with the head, the victim gets all...fuzzy. He can't feel the next... (Batman interrupts by smashing the Joker's hand.)
Joker: See?
Batman: You wanted me. Here I am.
Joker: I wanted to see what you'd do. And you didn't disappoint. You let five people die. Then you let Dent take your place. Even to a guy like me, that's cold.
Batman: Where's Dent?
Joker: Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth. There's no going back. You've changed things… forever.
Batman: Then why'd you want to kill me?
Joker: (laughs hysterically) I don't wanna kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off Mob dealers? No,! No,
Batman: You're garbage who kills for money.
Joker: Don't talk like one of them, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak – like me! They need you right now, but when they don't... they'll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their code: it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these, uh… these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster; I'm just ahead of the curve.

Joker: Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just... do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon's got plans. You know, they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So, when I say... Ah, come here.
(He takes Dent's hand into his own)
Joker: When I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know that I'm telling the truth. It's the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans, and look where that got you.
(Dent tries to grab the Joker.)
Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan." But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!
(Joker hands Two-Face a gun and points it at his forehead.)
Joker: Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!
(still holding the gun, Two-Face pauses and takes out his half-scarred coin.)
Two-Face: (shows the clean side) You live.
Joker: Mm-hmm.
Two-Face: (shows the scarred side) You die.
Joker: Mmm, now we're talking.

Credit and many thanks to several people for these various Joker monologues, it is very much appreciated.

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