from the BBC TV series "Coupling," written by Steven Moffat
(At a dinner party, Steve (Jack Davenport) is confronted by his girlfriend about a porn tape she found in his apartment, "Lesbian Spank Inferno." He is forced to describe the plot of this 'erotic film' as he calls it, much to the confusing and amusement of the women present. He describes the 'plot' as the story of a 'lesbian film collective' that hold a contest to see which film-maker had made the best film. Eventually, the whole thing becomes a 'spank inferno.' But that's not the point.)
Dinner Guest: How could you possibly enjoy a film like that? Steve: Oh, because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke, we're supposed to like naked women, we're born like that! We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one; halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view! Look, it is the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: Naked Women, Stockings, Lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond, because that's what being a boy is. And if you don't like, darling, join a film collective. Look, I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table there, but that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die, because that's what being a bloke is. When man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton had invented the printing press, we using it to make pictures of, hey! Naked bottoms! We have turned the internet into an enormous international database of naked bottoms. So you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been a story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Thank you, girls, I'm not sure how insulted you really ought to be.
Kudos and much thanks go to Andrew Y. for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.
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