written by Vincent Gallo
Jan Brown (Anjelica Huston): So, um, Wendy, honey. You were saying?
Layla ("Wendy"): I was just, um, I was gonna say how Billy's the... the nicest husbandin the whole world.
Jimmy Brown (Ben Gazzara): Oh, yeah, sure. I'm sure he's terrific.
Layla ("Wendy"): No, really. I'm the luckiest girl to have found such a wonderful husband. I fell in love with him the first time I met him.
Jan Brown: Honey, can you pass me the remote control, there? It's right behind you.
Layla ("Wendy"): Did Billy ever tell you how we met?
Jan Brown: Oh, um, no, honey. How did you two meet?
Layla ("Wendy"): Billy, you didn't tell your mom how we met?
Billy: You tell her.
Layla ("Wendy"): Well. I was working as a typist for the C.I.A., which is a special part of the government. And Billy is a top agent with the C.I.A. I'm sure you know that. You're probably so proud of him. Anyway, he has hundreds of people working for him. All the girls in the office were always telling me... how much they were in love with their boss. I had never seen him, because I worked way down... on the other side of the building. But one day, he comes into the office, and I see him, and I fell in love... madly in love... with him. But, you know, I couldn't talk to him, because I was just a typist, and... He's the kindest, smartest, most handsome guy there. I mean, even the guys loved him. They idolized him. So, I just, I just couldn't. I didn't think he'd ever like me. I was just a typist girl. And, you know, he was like, the king. I mean, even the president is so proud of him. So, one day... I walk into my office, and there's this giant bouquet of roses. I was just like, my God, what are those flowers on my desk? I thought maybe they had gotten the wrong desk or something. So, I go over and I open the card. There was a little note attached. And it said: "Dear Wendy, I have been in love with you for a year, but I'm very shy. I didn't know how to tell you before this. But I want you to know that I really love you, and I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime." And guess who it was signed by?
Jimmy Brown: Who?
Jan Brown: Honey, honey, hold on. Watch this play, all right?
Layla ("Wendy"): Billy. It was signed by Billy. It said, "Love, Billy."
Jan Brown: Uh-huh. Watch this play, all right? Just watch this.
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