Being John Malkovich
written by Charlie Kaufman
Craig: There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike.
Maxine: Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is John Malkovich?
Craig: He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century.
Maxine: What's he been in?
Craig: Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie,for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? I had a piece of wood in my hand, Maxine. But I don't have it anymore. Where is it? Did it disappear? How could that be? Is it still in Malkovich's head? I don't know! Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it.
(Maxine shows Craig a window to jump out of and walks off.)
Kudos and much thanks go to super-cool-regular-contributor Neil for this excellent monologue and corrections to said-monologue, it is very much appreciated.
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