written by Woody Allen & Mickey Rose

Fielding Mellish: I am reminded tonight of the...of the farmer who had incestrious relations with, uh, both his daughters simultaneously.... (nervous laugh) it's the (clears his throat), it's the wrong crowd for this joke (nervous laugh)....Although the United States is, uh, a very rich country and San Marcos is a very poor one, there are a great many things we have to offer your country in return for aid. For instance, there, uh, there are locusts, uh, we have more locusts th-than, uh... locusts of all races and creeds. These, these locusts are available at popular prices and, and so by the way are most of the women of San Marcos...uh, uh, despite the size of our nation, people fail to realize that we lead the world in hernias, They also fail to realize that before Columbus discovered your country, he, he, stopped in San Marcos and, uh,contracted a disease which today can be cured with one shot of penicillin,uh,....

Kudos and much thanks go to PapiChulo for this monologue, it is very much appreciated.

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