from the play written by Renee Taylor & Joseph Bologna
(A new mother, Barbara, exhausted and ecstatic, speaks to her newborn child for the first time)
Barbara: You know, you really make me feel so glad I'm a woman. I can't imagine why I put you off for so long, but it's a big step our living together, when you consider we just met and I don't even know your name yet...what do you think of Ariella? It means lioness...Bad, huh? Okay, I won't push any name on you that you're not happy with. By the way, my name is Barbara, and you'll see I'm pretty progressive, as mother's go, although I must insist that you always call me Mother because I'm the adult and you're the child (whispering) and I'm expecting you to love me.
Please love me, I love you...Well, I don't really. Yet. But don't tell anyone. I don't want them to think I'm a bad mother. But I think it takes a little more than three minutes, and I'm working on it. I do love you. I mean I don't feel in love. I don't know what I'm talking about. You're my first baby. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel...How's Eve? She was the first woman...Who cares, huh? I'll tell you something that'll probably surprise you. I'm scared about being a mother. Did you happen to hear anything I said while I was carrying you? I heard that infants are sensitive to their mother's feelings, so I forced myself to feel only good things about having you. I would really recommend natural childbirth to you, when you're ready and you're married. Not that I'm against a boy and girl living together if they're in love. Only, I would prefer if you didn't. How's Eunice? I don't know what it means. I only suggested it because it was your father's grandmother's name...Okay, at least I can tell him I tried. How do you feel about having a working mother? Because I plan to go back to work in three months, and I'm telling you now I love my career and I'm not making any sacrifices because I'm entitled to have a life too. And you want the best of me, and you'll get the best of me if I work. We'll see. I'm open. And, I'm not giving up going out in the evening. We got out four, five times a week. Two, three anyway. And, I'm not giving up traveling. You'd better love flying...Robin, how's that? It meany pretty bird...Eech! I'm exhausted. It's not easy being a mother. I hope you'll have patience. Salome? Anna?...Anne's nice. Anna. A, my name is Anna. My mother's name is Barbara. We come from Cincinnati and we sell dictaphones...You know, you're silly. I love you. Anna? I think I'm in love with you, too.
Maybe I could get my leave of absence extended a few more months, anyway.
(Barbara begins humming a free-form song, making up the words as she goes along.) Anna is a pretty little baby...And she's going to love her mommy...And we're going to have such a nice time... (lights fade as Barbara continues improvising the song)
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